Redifining Yourself Through Motherhood Series: Part 1, Chapter 2

I felt like a personal Milk Machine - breastfeeding had completely taken over my life.  You know what I'm talkin' about - breast pumps, freezer bags, nursing bras, utter covers, bottles, breast pads, the BreastFriend, the boppy and burp cloths.  Again, just like my pregnancy, breast feeding came very naturally for both Brighton and me.  I experienced very little pain, latching was great and we were on a set schedule.  I even had "the breastfeeding guru" visit us in the hospital and in our home a few times.  My husband and I are very good friends with the Director of the Carolina Global Breastfeeding Institute - she travels to lands far and near advocating for breast feeding.  I had it made!  Many of my friends went through really tough breastfeeding times and persevered for many months.  Eventually, my body stropped supplying what Brighton was demanding so we supplemented and finally went 100% formula around 6 months.  And, you know what....that's okay.  Do what makes you stay somewhat sane.

I felt so constricted, bound, like a prisoner to my child, my boobs and my home.  Brighton gained very little weight the first 6 weeks of her life so all I did was feed her.  I even had to track her poops and  pees, when she slept and when I fed her.  Prisoner.  I felt like I couldn't go anywhere for more than 2 hours because it was time to pump or feed and I wasn't a fan of feeding too often in public.  My personal preference was to be in the comfort of my home like prison.  I guess my Excel Spreadsheet and data collection skills came in handy.

I remember watching lots of television during the day, didn't cook, didn't clean, and pretty much stayed attached to my comfy couch.  When friends would call they assumed I was incredibly busy - not really - just pumping, feeding, changing diapers, watching a baby sleep and hanging out in my house.  A different tune than working 70 hours a week in a public school.

Even though I was "being lazy" out of some postpartum depression, I absolutely cherished the mornings when Brighton would wake up, I'd feed her and she'd fall back to sleep for another hour or two on my chest in our cozy bed.  At times I felt like this was so wrong, to make her go back to sleep with me.  But we enjoyed it, and I'll never forget those precious moments (as I tear up!).  I guess society or some rule book out there makes us Mommies feel like we have to be super women - get up, get the baby ready in a Lily Pulitzer outfit, cook breakfast, do the laundry, clean the floors, go for a walk at the park, hang out with other stay at home Moms, dash to the grocery store and get dinner ready...StAy On ScHeDuLe.  But why do we have to conform to this world?

Lesson Learned #2:  Give yourself a chance to cherish the sweet moments with your babies.  Just slow down when you can.  I'll never get back the days when Brighton would fall asleep on my chest in bed and I'd watch her move up and down as I would breath in and out, our hearts beating in tandem.  Now she's too active to sit in my lap! And, why did I feel guilty making her go back to sleep?  Those were OUR HOURS together, our precious moments, sweet memories.

Stay Tuned!  I invite you to stop by and become a reader of this series as it develops and morphs just like we as mothers develop and morph into thriving, successful women of abundance!  I don't know where this series is going to take me, I don't have a plan - but I do have a mission.

Megan

Redifining Yourself Through Motherhood Series: Part 1

I LOVED being pregnant and women hated me for it.  Mothers who LOVE being a Mom and are naturally "good" at it - or appear to be - I ENVIED.  

My pregnancy wasn't even as good as textbook - it was better.  I might have experienced 1% of the topics discussed in "What To Expect When You're Expecting" book by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel.  I reveled in the generosity and "out of their way" kindness expressed by the general public who would open doors and carry packages for me and let me skip ahead when I was waiting in any type of line - especially the bathroom.  While pregnant, I spent quite a bit of time daydreaming about what it would be like to become a stay at home Mom and not go back to work - I painted a beautiful picture!  And become a stay at home Mom is exactly what I did.  So begins my journey of redefining ME.

As soon as Brighton, our daughter, popped out the strangest feeling swept over me Do you remember that feeling? I cannot even describe to you in words what it felt like for a human that had been inside of me for 9 long months to be immediately placed on my chest while everyone in the room shouts "Congratulations" with tear filled eyes and mushy grins.  Was I supposed to cry, laugh, rejoice in song, start breastfeeding, feel overwhelmed by love or panic at the thought of taking her home?  Unlike what most women say, I wasn't graced by the presence of any kind warm, fuzzy feeling from the baby Gods up above.  I didn't know what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to feel.  I admit that I wasn't madly in love in those first moments.

Luckily, Brighton arrived on a Friday and my husband was able to stay home through Monday.  Thankfully, my Mom was around for a few days cooking, cleaning and spending time with me. Less than a handful of friends came to visit and we were not overwhelmed with casseroles and kisses, actually, much to my dismay, it was my observation that people assumed as a new Mom that I would be recovering, want my space and would be too busy for visitors. Too busy? Are you kidding?  My delivery was easy, I was mildly tired, having space was depressing and my child slept all day, only waking for feedings which she practically slept through. 

Having a baby can actually turn into feelings of emptiness.  For 9 months we get used to caring for something that is on the inside and feeling those flicks and flutters becomes comforting.  I missed feeling Brighton's little hiccups.  Once the baby is here we immediately, in the blink of an eye, take on a brand new role while dealing with letting go of our previous, all consuming build-a-baby-role.  Building a baby and raising a baby - not similar.

Lesson Learned #1:  Embrace visitors, casseroles, phone calls, balloons and storks in the front yard.  As  a friend, don't alienate new mothers because you think they're too busy - the baby sleeps 18 hours a day!  Of course, this isn't the case with all women - there are exceptions.  Call first, but CALL!  It is important for women to be supported and lovingly surrounded during this transition.

Stay Tuned!  I invite you to stop by and become a reader of this series as it develops and morphs just like we as mothers develop and morph into thriving, successful women of abundance!

Megan

The Power of Positive Affirmations

I am calm and relaxed.
I easily speak to people at networking events.
I naturally give presentations because I am confident.

On Wednesday of last week, I was invited to speak to a Women's Power Networking Coffee & Contacts group at their weekly networking meeting.  I chose to speak about the Power of Positive Affirmations because it is so important to think and believe positively about ourselves in order to create habits that produce abundance in both our professional and personal lives.  With a background in teaching, I love any opportunity to create a follow a lesson plan, and I find it more fun for the audience and for myself if they are given the opportunity to engage in an activity during the presentation and leave with a tool that can be implemented into their day.

I started the presentation out by polling the group on their knowledge of positive affirmations.  They all raised their hands to signify that they had heard of them.  Most of them were not using affirmations consistently in their business or personal lives.  They also weren't all in the place where they wanted to be professionally or personally.  I took them through a relaxation exercise and read the following affirmation:

You are naturally fulfilling your desires now, expanding your business, speaking, providing excellent customer service and writing in your blog weekly, so you are helping people which means you are successful and you feel good about what you do as you realize your opportunities are increasing exponentially, and because you are making the money that you want, you experience living the lifestyle you chose comfortably, so you feel a sense of accomplishment because you feel financially secure.  Your desire to continuously learn and improve means you easily read one book every month and you are now writing your ideas on paper and developing a clearer understanding of where you want to go, which means you demonstrate your skills while working, so you naturally realize that people want your services because you share your knowledge in a way that works and you love to share information so you are connecting with people easily and naturally, developing your relationships, which means you are expanding your possibilities and creating unlimited abundance.

You are naturally providing quality service and/or products so you are creating success and you are experiencing unlimited possibilities. You are now aware you create balance in your relationships and you are feeling confident and easily make good decisions, which means things go well and you naturally create balance in your life with expanding possibilities and you realize you have abundance and you feel confident.

One woman was brought to tears as she listened and reflected on her own situation and I've actually been honored to work her, today actually.

The group of business owners left with affirmations that they wrote themselves that day and can now recite them each morning and put them in places around their house/desk/car to be reminded of their inner goddess.


Megan

For a free Introductory Session, contact me at http://www.structuredwellness.com/contact_megan.html

Keeping Life in Perspective

A friend of mine forwarded me a list of things to consider that will help us to live for the day and not worry about the future.  The items in the list are SO SIMPLE, yet we let minor distractions clutter our thoughts which leads to negative behaviors.

Check out the list!

1.  Pray
2.  Go to bed on time
3.  Get up on time so that you can start the day unrushed.
4.  Say no to projects that won't fit into your schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5.  Delegate tasks to capable others.
6.  Simplify and unclutter your life.
7.  Less is more.
8.  Allow extra time to get to places and to do things.
9.  Pace yourself.
10.  Take one day at a time.
11.  Separate worries from concerns.
12.  Live within your budget.
13.  Have backups - an extra key in your wallet, an extra house key under a rock in the garden, extra stamps.
14.  Keep Mouth Shut
15.  Do something for the kid in you everyday.
16.  Carry an uplifting book with you and read it while you are waiting in line.
17.  Get enough rest.
18.  Eat right.
19.  Get organized so everything has its place.
20.  Listen to a CD while driving that can help improve your life.
21.  Write down positive affirmations.
22.  Every day, find time to relax.
23.  Having problems?  Nip them in the bud immediately - don't wait until you go to bed.
24.  Make friends with giant slayers.
25.  Keep a folder of favorite scriptures or inspirational quotes.
26.  Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you God..."
27.  Laugh.
28.  Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
29.  Laugh some more!
30.  Develop a forgiving attitude.
31.  Be kind to unkind people.
32.  Sit on your ego.
33.  Talk less, listen more.
34.  Slow down.
35.  Remind yourself that you are not the manager of your universe.
36.  Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Thoughts, Beliefs, Behaviors

"The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to NOTICE, and because we fail to NOTICE that we fail to NOTICE, there is little we can do to change; until we NOTICE how failing to NOTICE limits what we think and do."

~R.D. Laing

I wanted to start out with this phenomenal quote by R.D. Laing that I heard speaker James H. Blackburn of SURVE Partners recite today, more than once - in fact, about a handful of times.  Have you ever heard the saying about when we hear something the first time we REJECT it and by the seventh time we ACCEPT it?  That's probably why he recited the quote so many times - at first it was obvious that the majority of the business owners in the room didn't get it or weren't ready to accept the reality of the spoken words.  After a few minutes of shared discussion we were all on board.  Being on board is the first step, but actually creating the action steps necessary to CREATE new thoughts, new beliefs and new behaviors is the hard part.

Developing new thoughts, new beliefs and new behaviors is imperative when making changes in any area of your life.  Here's an example about how thoughts, beliefs and behaviors are related to each other.  Sally owns a small business and has approximately 10 clients a month.  She earns a $60,000 income.  Sally says, "I am a $60,000 business owner, I want to be a 6 figure income earner?"  FIRST, Sally must change her thoughts and personal belief system about herself.  She just SAID that she is a $60,000 income earner.  What do you think Sally will earn next year if she believes that she is a $60,000 income earner?  It's not enough to WANT something - you must think it, believe it and change your behaviors.

A few tips:
1.  People don't resist change, they resist the loss of familiarity.
2.  New knowledge doesn't result in behavior change
3.  Lack of clarity causes struggle
4.  Surround yourself with people who are growing
5.  Nothing is permanent - everything you do is preparation
6.  What you focus on grows