Redifining Yourself Through Motherhood Series: Part 1, Chapter 2

I felt like a personal Milk Machine - breastfeeding had completely taken over my life.  You know what I'm talkin' about - breast pumps, freezer bags, nursing bras, utter covers, bottles, breast pads, the BreastFriend, the boppy and burp cloths.  Again, just like my pregnancy, breast feeding came very naturally for both Brighton and me.  I experienced very little pain, latching was great and we were on a set schedule.  I even had "the breastfeeding guru" visit us in the hospital and in our home a few times.  My husband and I are very good friends with the Director of the Carolina Global Breastfeeding Institute - she travels to lands far and near advocating for breast feeding.  I had it made!  Many of my friends went through really tough breastfeeding times and persevered for many months.  Eventually, my body stropped supplying what Brighton was demanding so we supplemented and finally went 100% formula around 6 months.  And, you know what....that's okay.  Do what makes you stay somewhat sane.

I felt so constricted, bound, like a prisoner to my child, my boobs and my home.  Brighton gained very little weight the first 6 weeks of her life so all I did was feed her.  I even had to track her poops and  pees, when she slept and when I fed her.  Prisoner.  I felt like I couldn't go anywhere for more than 2 hours because it was time to pump or feed and I wasn't a fan of feeding too often in public.  My personal preference was to be in the comfort of my home like prison.  I guess my Excel Spreadsheet and data collection skills came in handy.

I remember watching lots of television during the day, didn't cook, didn't clean, and pretty much stayed attached to my comfy couch.  When friends would call they assumed I was incredibly busy - not really - just pumping, feeding, changing diapers, watching a baby sleep and hanging out in my house.  A different tune than working 70 hours a week in a public school.

Even though I was "being lazy" out of some postpartum depression, I absolutely cherished the mornings when Brighton would wake up, I'd feed her and she'd fall back to sleep for another hour or two on my chest in our cozy bed.  At times I felt like this was so wrong, to make her go back to sleep with me.  But we enjoyed it, and I'll never forget those precious moments (as I tear up!).  I guess society or some rule book out there makes us Mommies feel like we have to be super women - get up, get the baby ready in a Lily Pulitzer outfit, cook breakfast, do the laundry, clean the floors, go for a walk at the park, hang out with other stay at home Moms, dash to the grocery store and get dinner ready...StAy On ScHeDuLe.  But why do we have to conform to this world?

Lesson Learned #2:  Give yourself a chance to cherish the sweet moments with your babies.  Just slow down when you can.  I'll never get back the days when Brighton would fall asleep on my chest in bed and I'd watch her move up and down as I would breath in and out, our hearts beating in tandem.  Now she's too active to sit in my lap! And, why did I feel guilty making her go back to sleep?  Those were OUR HOURS together, our precious moments, sweet memories.

Stay Tuned!  I invite you to stop by and become a reader of this series as it develops and morphs just like we as mothers develop and morph into thriving, successful women of abundance!  I don't know where this series is going to take me, I don't have a plan - but I do have a mission.

Megan